"Ike,ke, kea"-A Branch Grows in Brooklyn

Hey, did I ever mention that Ikea (the one you're standing in line for right now), that just opened today in Red Hook section of Brooklyn, invited me out, to take a quick sneak peek at their NYC digs before you got there? Well then, have a seat and let me tell you. First off, I missed the shuttle bus to take over their so I hopped on the G train to Smith & 9th and called myself walking over there, which by the way I DO NOT recommend! After walking a couple of block (in the blaring Sun mind you ) then passing those two signs you saying "Red Hook Housing", my arm quickly went up to hail a cab...FAST! Once I finally arrived, the security guard said "All employees must enter through the rear." Huh? I thought, I KNOW he don't think I work here! Wait...ummm, they still hiring? He racial profiling me up and down. "Nah, bro I'm here for the press thingy." I explained. But no apology, just a finger pointing me the right way in, is all I got. Once in, I got a name tag and a speedy personal tour. I noticed an art display using Ikea boxes to replicate the NY Cityscape, set up. While upon closer viewing, some Japanese press guys started snapping off mad flicks shouting "KONG, KONG, KONG!" What!! Damn racist!! I should've went Godzilla on their asses! Anyway, while waiting for the outside tour to start, I spotted an old fling of mine, working in the kitchen cooking up some Swedish meatballs. I was itching to make fun, but me seeing her was embarrassment enough, so I keep it moving. So now, after the tour, I made the decision to take the Water Taxi back for kicks (and cut time). To break up the dead silence, I said in my best African accent to the Captain, "I was very fearful of getting on your boat." He half smiled and asked "Why is that?" I then replied with a straight face, "The last time MY people was on a boat such as this, YOUR people was bringing us in chains below it!" He got all serious then and sternly said "No, no, no, my friend. Not my people, I'm from Ireland!" I said "Oh YES your people TOO! But today you are forgiven, for being so kind for dropping me off into the City." I got the shoulder pat like, Okay buddy that's enough outta you. End of story. Shop BK Ikea!