Thursday, December 18, 2008

"Another Bad Santa!" -North Pole Going South.

Hey did you get the mass e-mail being sent around about the latest casualty in the hurting economy? Well let me tell you first hand, it's NOT good news. Now I don't know exactly HOW (?) I got on Santa's e-mail list (glad to see I'm on SOME list of his) but I'll read to you what was the content of that said e-mail. I honestly thought it was spam at first, till it keep "magically" re-appearing back in my inbox when I repeatedly deleted it. Well here it goes folks.

Dear Mr. Dale,
I hope this e-mail reaches you in good health this holiday season, and blessings to you and yours. I am writing to inform you that sadly even jolly Ol' Saint Nick is not immune to the financial woes that are currently burdening the world right now. With the ever rising cost of feeding & housing for all my (9, please don't ask me to name 'em all) reindeer. Oil to keep Mrs. Claus and myself warm and snuggly way up North, all year round (it's not cheap kids). On top of room and board for "the Little Ones" (my trusted un-unionized labor force) Santa's elves. I only have just enough funding to supply gifts to immediate friends and family. So unfortunately this year, NO office co-workers, nannies, doormen, extra "friends with benefits", or Step-whatevers, will not be covered on your submitted gift list. I myself had to make sacrifices to make this Christmas a "miracle" on ANY street this season. Such as NO bonuses for the elves, asking them to work un-paid hrs., I'm working extra hours at the Malls, laid off two reindeer. Hand washing and drying my suit "Big Red." Yes even Mrs. Claus had to join the work force this year as security. So you KNOW things have got bad! Say, can Santa get some of that bail-out money up here? HHHol (that's Ho ho ho'ing out loud)! Well anyways thanks for your understanding and come this time next year I'll over look putting you on my "Naughty list" for doing you-know-what with you-know-who!
I'm not hating. I see you.
Here's to hoping your Christmas is still merry and that you don't switch to Kwannza.
-Love (no homo) Saint "Santa Claus" Nick

P.S. If you're upset by this news and refuse to understand well hang mistletoe over my ass and you know what!

"Come Follow Me Into The Matrix"