Friday, September 25, 2009

"Born (Day) To Be Wild!" -Advice On Proper Birthday Etiquette

Can we talk? No seriously I've been think since I've been attending SO many b'day events (besides my own) as of late that I think I have become somewhat of an authority on the proper etiquette one SHOULD have at said events...Right? Okay now let me give you a brief run down on a certain level of "class" one must have when hosting OR showing up at these things. You ready? Okay for starters;

One, If you've been invited give the person a definite answer on weather you're attending or not. "Maybe" just sounds like to them "Something MORE important may come up so..." If they felt you should be there don't leave'em hanging even if the answers "NO, I can't make it."

Speaking of that, DON'T be dumb enough to post pictures to Facebook of the OTHER party you really were at instead. It's bad taste, like 2 week old cake homie!

If the person means SOMETHING to you, and you're showing face, bring SOMETHING! Cards never get old (credit or gift, if it's for me), a bottle of wine, flowers...Something! Don't come empty handed like you homeless, you need CHANGE for real.

If you're hosting a b'day DON'T make things awkward by inviting ALL your old "bang out buddies" aka "jump-off & ons" IE "bed sheet sweets" it's NOT a good look folks. The 2 second convos ending w/ "Give me a min, I'll be RIGHT back..." the game show kisses, and them playing detective, lurking around to see WHO takes your drunk ass home, asking around "So ummm, HOW do you know him/her?" Is NOT the move. Put 'em all in the same room like some "Greatest hits album" is for your EGO and your ego alone. And "alone" you will be, once the $#it blows up! I say NO.

Don't show up at an ex's b'day (drunk) looking to win them back. It's NOT the time for that. Especially when there are FOUR others in the room, looking to do the SAME thang! Play your position, come for a few hrs. to say "Hi" and bounce w/ your pride intact. Period.

Don't attend an ex's b'day and start picking up no.s #. It's just tacky. Whom ever you're meeting there KNOWS him or her somehow right? Unless you guys are Digable Planets ie "cool like that" I say pass. You'll see them again somewhere else.

If the B'day person is really close to you and you care, PICK UP the damn phone! Stop with all that texting BS. Use those rollover mins. to just say "Hey, happy b'day my dude!" Trust me, that lil' bit means SO much more to them.

If you're gonna invite you parents to your B'day gathering, don't introduce to all you "slutty buddies." Parents get a lil' "fire water" in 'em and they start forgetting names and $#it, telling the truth about how they REALLY felt about them. $#it can get ugly.

DON'T get SO wasted! I see this one too many times folks, I CAN'T stress this enough. Who wants pictures of themselves "$#it-faced" all over Facebook, Youtube, or whateva the next day, of what WAS suppose to be a joyous occasion? AWKWARD! You spoil it for EVERYBODY man! Save friends from having to explain the next morning of why the bouncers shoes had to be surgically removed from yo dumb ass. Just cause you got "Kanye'd out on Henny" and started to "skeet skeet" to the window, to the wall...FOR REAL! Apology NOT accepted! You getting TOO old for that now man! Grow up, not THROW up...Chump!

STOP going broke like it's yo last b'day! Who wants to spend their b'day in the dark once the lights get cut off? You'll be using them candles from your b'day cake ALL week Boo! Friends SHOULD be spending on you!

STOP booking out these "Ritz(y) cracker" clubs out! You don't need friends coming, all dolled the f@#k out to celebrate with you, just get turned away, MAD at yo ass! Hearing "Sorry sir, we're at our BLACK man capacity tonight!" Doesn't sound good AT ALL! Especially when I put on "the good hard botttoms" for yo ass! Then you get the "Oh if you're doing bottle service we can get you right in sir. But you're gonna have to put this white stuff on your face when you go in, and tuck the chains in too." Oh HELL NO!

And lastly STOP sleeping with your DAMN Blackberry underneath the pillow Miss! I know you're known to sometimes talk in your sleep, but DAMN girl! WTMFF! Unless you're a private doctor on call (and I never knew), OR you're waiting for your pimp to call, to simply say you've gone over your hrs, I'm NOT feeling that! I have an alarm cock...oops clock, that works PERFECTLY fine! NO excuse to be loose. I know this has NOTHING to do with b'day etiquette but I felt a NEED to mention the $#it...WHAT!?! G'morning!



love it bro! pulitzer prize winning stuff here!

Brought to you by the Letter "M" said...

THANKS man! I've been pussyfooting around to write this and when I FINALLY did the words came flowing out! Pt.2 is coming soon!

D*a*v*i*d*a said...

can you please write a Bedstuy etiquette book??

Anonymous said...

Funny... yet so angry

"Come Follow Me Into The Matrix"