"Going Ape $hit!" -Bad Travis

I'm pretty sure by now you've heard by now about the near fatal chimpanzee attack on a woman in Stamford, Conn. recently right? Well here's some undiscovered news that surfaced about the incident, that may have lead up to the melee. "Travis" a former child animal celebrity was visibly depressed about his inability to get new gigs in this tough economic times. Especially after being dropped by Old Navy and having a brief cameo in "Evan Almighty" which flopped! Folks close to the owner reveled rumors that one, the woman attacked may have provoked the animal by shouting racial slurs at the out-of-work chimp. Or two, had coincidentally been wearing a perfume made from banana extracts at the time. Another theory floating about was that the chimp just simply didn't like the bitch! One cop at the scene had his to say "Like all 15-yrs he had alot of suppressed anger at the world in general. Especially being once in the limelight. He died way too soon man." Travis was close to signing an endorsement deal with A Bathing Ape before this happened. Sadly now he'll be known as "the 2Pac of the animal kingdom" now. Remember to pour some out for Travis at the next after work party you're going to. A moment of silence please...thank you.