Monday, March 8, 2010
"Alice In Wonder Bland!" -This Cheshire Cat Has NOTHING To Smile About! Alice Review
So I'm hearing that this was the number one movie at the box office this weekend. Which comes as NO surprise to me due to all the hype around it (Depp, 3-D, Burton, the story of Wonderland, yada yada yada) But to make a long review short...I should of supported "Brooklyn's Finest" like the proud "Brooklynista" I am. Because I found the movie to be so wack and bland, I have NO problem spoiling the plot for you. So if you STILL planning on seeing it, don't read ahead. Here's the deal, an older teen Alice is attending her "surprise" engagement party when anxiety hits and sees a vision of the White Rabbit hopping around leading her to that abyss hole she fell into years ago. Why no one uprooted this tree or sealed the hole yet years later, is a mystery to me! Anyway the next scenes we see are of her falling (in 3-D) and shrinking and growing back and forth for damn near 20 mins are so. Twiddle Dumb & Dumber show up and give her a quick tour of west side Wonderland before the Queen of Heart's goons show up and break up their lil' "reunion tea party." Damn, I'm getting bored just writing this, so I'll speed it. The gist is, Alice has been predestined to return to Wonderland as it's savior and return the crown and rule back to the White man...sorry White Queen and make all right with the world again. The End! But not before an 1hr. and a half of talking dogs, frogs, & dragons. Fish as servants, hedgehogs for golf balls, rabbits with A.D.D., a hat making tranny Irish accented Johnny Depp, plus a bong pot smoking caterpillar to boot. I should've gone to see this high, like the rest of the audience around me was...And I don't even smoke!