Friday, March 13, 2009

"25 Random (Hip-Hop) Things About Me" -the Remix!

Okay, I while ago I had this concept of writing a screen play which I can best describe as "a Hip Hop version of Forrest Gump" witness to some pivotal moments in where this one guy you follow through out the film has unconsciously influenced and bear witness to Rap's history! Dope idea right? DON'T bite it, I'll sue. Well it'll be loosely based on my life, so here's and abbreviated version of that idea in the form of Facebook's now infamous "Random Things" note. Pay attention.

TCL was first to go by the name "STD" but changed it simply because they felt the name would scare off male fans I guess. Hence the condoms Left Eye used to wear.

I held Lil' Kim's hand through plastic surgery, fell asleep and woke up to...Well you see the results. I'm not judging.

On a visit to Chuck D's house, when the money wasn't right just yet, he's electricity got cut off. It was ME who said "Fight the Power!" to him. Who knew he'd take it so far.

I secretly found out Memphis Bleek removes his do-rag much like Darth Vader inside a chamber (see Empire Strikes Back: Episode V for reference)

After numerous complications with her vagina, causing her to get violently sick, Foxy Brown as a young teen was nicknamed "the Ill Nana" originally by her close friends & family...and some ex-lovers too.

I made the BIG mistake of trying to reassure Ja Rule by saying "Nah, 50 ain't NO threat son!"

Took Young Buck out for ice cream after that now famous G-Unit breakup call.

By mistake, I washed some of Cam'Ron's red Dip Set stuff w/his whites at the laundry, so he really owns ME credit for putting him on to rocking pink!

One day bored at the studio, waiting for B.I.G. to show up, Puff and I went at it in a video game of boxing. While badly beating his ass , it was ME who first yelled out and taunted "Take that, take that!"

A while ago I lent a very cold Jay-Z one of my favorite blazer jackets, that I had forgot I had left Beyonce's number in. And so you pretty much know how the rest of the story goes.

I keep it a secret for the longest that R.Kelly REALLY has a bladder problem.

Convinced Teddy Reilly that "Guy" had a better ring to it than "Dude."

Yeah not quite 25, I have some more, but you have to (buy &) read it book before "the straight to DVD movie" comes out. LMAO!

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