Thursday, March 12, 2009

"What's Eating Gilbert Gripe?" - The Subway Edition

Even though mass transit is one of (if not) thee best way of getting around NYC, I doesn't not mean that I'm happy about having to take it. I'm sure that I share a HUGE list of dislikes about "the Silver Worm" that slithers it's way through the "Rotten Apple's" core. I'm just using this platform to voice mine. So with that being said, ladies & gents I give you a NEW section of the Minority Report called "Gilbert Gripe." The first edition is dedicated to the city's beloved "Iron Horse!" Hold the applause till the end. THANK YOU!

Why is it that folks think that it's okay to share their damn full song ring tones out loud on the train?! And then have the nerve to sing along out of tune. And by the way, why is it ALWAYS some ghetto ass song at that?

Help me understand, why is it that you're sitting/
standing 2 inches away from me when the car is damn near empty?

How come it's ALWAYS the homeless/crazy ass folks that wanna included me in their random conversations? I only made eye contact, so I can have a good description when the police come.

Why is "Mr. Subway Car Performer" looking for change from me, when I JUST got on at this stop?

Is the newspaper/book you're reading THAT good to where you wanna share it with me...
upside down, and an inch away from my face?

I understand that you're in your twilight years Grandma, but tripping with your cane to beat me to a seat is NOT hot! AND you're only going ONE stop too?!? Damn Granny! You DON'T work any more, so tell me, why are you in rush hour again?

Hey there Ms. Young Tween! Saying "S#i+", Ni66a, Bitc#, a$$-#ole, mut#erfu@k*r" 5 times EXTREMELY LOUD, all in one sentence, DOES NOT make you sound grown!

Excuse me "Sir who's blocking the staircase", wouldn't it be MUCH easier to finish your conversation UP stairs, instead of ON the stairs? There are people who actually wanna catch this train.

Ms., what made you even THINK that you could squeeze your fat ass in this already tight two-seater? DO the math! 40 pounds of ass + 20 inches seat= WTF!?

And lastly, if think I'm playing my iPod too loud next to you, DON'T tap me or ask me if I give a f**k! And if you do, I can't hear you anyway. LMAO!

If I left some out, just leave yours in the comment section


Anonymous said...

LMBAO! Priceless and sooooooo true. Don't forget the dango-on flying dancers. You mofos gonna mess around and kick someone in the head one day!

brinny said...

LMAO!!! yesss!!!
what about when the homeless guy with NO PANTS ON chooses to sit in the seat directly across from me, give me a flash and move to the next cart...yeah. LOL

Anonymous said...

this is great. my personal favorite: the cussin' ass kids who need a whoopin!!!

SwedishfishProduction said...

The kid who throws their temper tamntrums all over... with no discipline, and then asking their parents every stop " How many more stops til Toys R uS?" spoiled rotten.

FLY LADY DI said...

lol well at least people sorta know how to maneuvre around in nyc subways... in toronto you're always doing the which-way-salsa dance with people trying to get by. lol!

Anonymous said...

ok how about the empty snapple bottle thats rolling across the subway the entire time. and everyone moves their feet so it doesnt hit them and it always somehow manages to head in your direction!

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