Today, we are sadden to announce that Mr. Peanut tragically died last night while vacationing on Safari in the southern tip of Africa. Reports out of the country are saying a herd of Wild elephants, picked up on the "peanutty" scent of the Planters spoke person, then savagely attacked the convoy he was riding in. Fatally cracking him open, and feasted on his insides. One eyewitness said,
"It happened in an instant man! He tried his best to fight them off with the cane but the weight of multiple elephants was too much." He continued to say between light sobbing. "I can still hear the cracking sound of his beautiful golden shell. Lightly salted or not, he will be missed."
The Peanuts family plans to have his remaining shell honey roasted and place in a urn. As for his shoes, famous top hat and monocle?
They will be placed up for bid at auction. In respects of his death, all airlines have suspended the distribution of peanuts on all of their international flights.