"Some Assembly Required" -The Avengers Movie Review

Have you ever had a crush on someone and then years later out the blue not only do they start coming around you they finally have a night of passionate sex with you? No? Well that's happened for me and that's the best way I can describe finally seeing the Avengers become a reality on screen! For years Marvel films has been dick teasing us with solo released films from each hero featured in the ensemble starting with TWO Hulks, two Iron Man flicks, then lately Captain America & Thor last year. Iron Man (thanks to Robert Downey Jr.) being the better of this bunch, Hulk being the worst. Bad ex's but not wifey, like the idea the Avengers was hoping to be. Now I've been an avid comic book collector since the early 80's and the thought of the team ever becoming a movie was as far fetched as the story lines in the books themselves LOL! And if so, NOT a very good one! I actually was nervous FOR Marvel knowing how bad this coulda ended up. EVERYONE was wrong! This movie was everything it was suppose to be! It was like not only finally getting to bed your life long crush but she invites her freaky girlfriends to join in! And then they cook breakfast the morning after! YEAH THAT GOOD! To be honest I'm more of a Batman type of guy. Not the books, more so the Nolan films. It's a bit more "reality" based for my liking. But you couldn't go that route with this one, TOO many over the top powered super beings to play it that way. So the beat 'em up explosive popcorn movie it HAS to be. the Avengers biggest battle however was to not give EVERYTHING away via the leaked flicks & 20 plus trailers! I was secretly hoping that the alien threat was those damn blue dudes from Avatar! But it's looking like the Avengers will be beating them up at the box office instead! LOL! Oh but the way, not  to spoil things for you but not only does Hulk SMASH(!) in the film, the director Joss Whedon does too! 4 out of 5 M's for this one

"When (Ape) S**t Hits The Fan!" -Rise Of The Planets Of The Apes Review

Yoooo! I gotta say yet ANOTHER movie this year (the other being Captain America) I had low expectations for (no crazy buzz) that shocked the monkey for me! But after hearing the rave reviews and on the street feedback, I was like "Okay, let me stop monkeying around and peep this s**t out." I vaguely remember the original Ape series and I'm still trying to forget the Burton version(!), but I'm ALWAYS curious about the starting point of something, so that was my motivation for coping my tix. Gotta say right off the bat (or is it off the back? who knows), I LOVE the pace of this movie! The intro sets you up from the start setting a tone of sympathy you could have for the hunted simians, that in the end turn the tables on man. And also how even though we share SO many moments with our "pets" they still have feelings on disconnection to their "family" being that we're not of the same kind. Much like people do to each other. Right? Though I thought the movie was a "MUST SEE!" Here's what stuck me as "funny style" about the flick.
**Warning spoiler alerts**
For one I felt my boy James Franco's acting was BLAH! Very one note-ish. Not much emotion here, not even a tear when his pop duke dies! BTW how is he a top level scientist still living in a family setting suburbs like that AND in all that time past, shacking up with a dime like co-star Freida Pinto and NOT seed her up? Whaaaat?!? Now THAT would have been dope would be to see Caesar (the starring chimp) jealous of a new baby around the house, then getting sent away for some "accident" involving the kid. Hey, maybe that's another movie. And speaking of accident, why dude next door didn't sue the pants off of that monkey? Your pops f**ked up my whip, my finger got bit, AND I got the s**t kicked out of my chest by damn monkey feet!!! Where's my lawyer? Insurance don't cover monkey gone ape s**t! Maybe that banana smelling cologne was a BAD idea huh? Also would sneaking a scene of Caesar reading a Curious George book in the movie hurt? THAT woulda been a dope nod to curious monkeys all over the world. Even funnier would be to hear "Hey! Hey! We're the Monkees!" playing on the radio in the bridge scene finale as the humans are fleeing. And while we're on the subject of fleeing, HOW in the hell did the only black dude in the film escape them damn apes, and get a free helicopter ride outta dodge? Three things I walked away with thinking about this movie. One was, "clothes don't make the ape!" meaning you can take the "gorilla out the mist, but not the mist out the gorilla"...what ever THAT means. Second thing was, this movie was not too too far off from what happened during slavery dawg. Even peep the "Civil Rights" scene when ya man Caesar got hosed down. Real talk...oh sorry, the new slang now is "Free speech!" And lastly I couldn't help but notice that a black man had a hand in TWO end of the world stories! That scientist from that Terminator 2 flick, and now the black dude from THIS movie! Can a educated ni**a, high up on the ladder get a break!?! Sheesh! #Imjustaskin' Stop spankin' yo monkey and go see this w/a banana shake and popcorn in hand! I giving this 4 1/2 out of 5 M's