"Some Assembly Required" -The Avengers Movie Review

Have you ever had a crush on someone and then years later out the blue not only do they start coming around you they finally have a night of passionate sex with you? No? Well that's happened for me and that's the best way I can describe finally seeing the Avengers become a reality on screen! For years Marvel films has been dick teasing us with solo released films from each hero featured in the ensemble starting with TWO Hulks, two Iron Man flicks, then lately Captain America & Thor last year. Iron Man (thanks to Robert Downey Jr.) being the better of this bunch, Hulk being the worst. Bad ex's but not wifey, like the idea the Avengers was hoping to be. Now I've been an avid comic book collector since the early 80's and the thought of the team ever becoming a movie was as far fetched as the story lines in the books themselves LOL! And if so, NOT a very good one! I actually was nervous FOR Marvel knowing how bad this coulda ended up. EVERYONE was wrong! This movie was everything it was suppose to be! It was like not only finally getting to bed your life long crush but she invites her freaky girlfriends to join in! And then they cook breakfast the morning after! YEAH THAT GOOD! To be honest I'm more of a Batman type of guy. Not the books, more so the Nolan films. It's a bit more "reality" based for my liking. But you couldn't go that route with this one, TOO many over the top powered super beings to play it that way. So the beat 'em up explosive popcorn movie it HAS to be. the Avengers biggest battle however was to not give EVERYTHING away via the leaked flicks & 20 plus trailers! I was secretly hoping that the alien threat was those damn blue dudes from Avatar! But it's looking like the Avengers will be beating them up at the box office instead! LOL! Oh but the way, not  to spoil things for you but not only does Hulk SMASH(!) in the film, the director Joss Whedon does too! 4 out of 5 M's for this one

"Give Me Some Skin Friend!" -The Skin I Live In Review

Man! What can I REALLY say about this film? Well first off it's the most bizarre movie I've ever seen since that scene on Pulp Fiction where Bruce & Ving gets raped in that hill billy pawn shop! Yep, it's THAT weird left field sh** that slightly believable only cause we've heard weirder s**t on the news. Anyway without given too much of the plot away, Puss in boots...sorry Antonio Banderas plays a highly respected, well paid doctor who's lost everything and is trying to play God by getting it all back. Experimenting a new skin grafting technique that uber controversial in his field. But that's just the surface stuff. The movie covers EVERYTHING from rape (twice in the movie), murder, adoption, abandonment, kidnapping, voyeurism, egotism, over parenting, and THEN some! If you don't leave the theater with your jaw wide open then you walked into the WRONG film my friend! Check yo ticket stub! This is by far one of the strangest twist I've ever encountered watching a film...and I applaud! I'm giving this 4 1/2 M's outta 5!

"The Gods Must Be Kray!" -Immortals Movie Review

Oh my f***in' Zeus! From the first frame to finish I gotta say this was one of the top 5 BEST LOOKING movies I've EVER seen! The director hired (Tarsem Singh) is infamous for his visual style, but homeboy outdid himself on THIS one! Back in the day I was heavily into Greek Mythology in school. The stories were basically the precursor to comic book mixed in with a lil' soap opera elements to it. Sex, drugs, & super powers baby! Honestly though, I wasn't that hyped about this walking into the theater. The promos seemed lame, and it played TOO much on the 300 connection it had. Well other than the producers and the "one man and a band of warriors against a power hungry war monger" plot this took things to a whole OTHER other level dude! This story line is loosely (VERY loosely) based on the Greek hero Theseus and how from such a young age, this bastard son of the town whore, was tutored by Zeus himself (in the disguise of an old man) to become the chosen one to lead humans back from the brink of total annihilation. Talk about pressure huh? HOW is this any different from Clash of The Titans you ask? Well for one, just the portrayal of the Gods was a different approach. Though controversial, Tarsem thought "If you're going to be a God, why would you not choose to live out your immortal life in a body fit at the height of human excellence?" Which I totally get. That old man with a beard chillin' in the sky stuff is a lil' dated, don't ya think? The other thing that ruffled a couple of feathers for folks was SPOILER ALERT  (highlight to read if you must know nosey) > He kills off a couple of noteworthy Gods in the end. < But that too he justifies this by saying "It's an ancient religion which no one practices in modern times. Who honestly would be upset over this?" BONG! Take that Greek geeks! For upsetting the fanboys Tarsem DOES give them a nice long nude back shot of lead actress Freida Pinto (she plays a virgin oracle who sees future visions BTW) To make up for it. I may have to see the movie again to make all the connection with who's who in the mythology world (I.E. Poseidon, Apollo, Ares, King Hyperion, the Minotaur) or just to see that ass scene again! Either way I'm give this 4 out 5 M's

"When (Ape) S**t Hits The Fan!" -Rise Of The Planets Of The Apes Review

Yoooo! I gotta say yet ANOTHER movie this year (the other being Captain America) I had low expectations for (no crazy buzz) that shocked the monkey for me! But after hearing the rave reviews and on the street feedback, I was like "Okay, let me stop monkeying around and peep this s**t out." I vaguely remember the original Ape series and I'm still trying to forget the Burton version(!), but I'm ALWAYS curious about the starting point of something, so that was my motivation for coping my tix. Gotta say right off the bat (or is it off the back? who knows), I LOVE the pace of this movie! The intro sets you up from the start setting a tone of sympathy you could have for the hunted simians, that in the end turn the tables on man. And also how even though we share SO many moments with our "pets" they still have feelings on disconnection to their "family" being that we're not of the same kind. Much like people do to each other. Right? Though I thought the movie was a "MUST SEE!" Here's what stuck me as "funny style" about the flick.
**Warning spoiler alerts**
For one I felt my boy James Franco's acting was BLAH! Very one note-ish. Not much emotion here, not even a tear when his pop duke dies! BTW how is he a top level scientist still living in a family setting suburbs like that AND in all that time past, shacking up with a dime like co-star Freida Pinto and NOT seed her up? Whaaaat?!? Now THAT would have been dope would be to see Caesar (the starring chimp) jealous of a new baby around the house, then getting sent away for some "accident" involving the kid. Hey, maybe that's another movie. And speaking of accident, why dude next door didn't sue the pants off of that monkey? Your pops f**ked up my whip, my finger got bit, AND I got the s**t kicked out of my chest by damn monkey feet!!! Where's my lawyer? Insurance don't cover monkey gone ape s**t! Maybe that banana smelling cologne was a BAD idea huh? Also would sneaking a scene of Caesar reading a Curious George book in the movie hurt? THAT woulda been a dope nod to curious monkeys all over the world. Even funnier would be to hear "Hey! Hey! We're the Monkees!" playing on the radio in the bridge scene finale as the humans are fleeing. And while we're on the subject of fleeing, HOW in the hell did the only black dude in the film escape them damn apes, and get a free helicopter ride outta dodge? Three things I walked away with thinking about this movie. One was, "clothes don't make the ape!" meaning you can take the "gorilla out the mist, but not the mist out the gorilla"...what ever THAT means. Second thing was, this movie was not too too far off from what happened during slavery dawg. Even peep the "Civil Rights" scene when ya man Caesar got hosed down. Real talk...oh sorry, the new slang now is "Free speech!" And lastly I couldn't help but notice that a black man had a hand in TWO end of the world stories! That scientist from that Terminator 2 flick, and now the black dude from THIS movie! Can a educated ni**a, high up on the ladder get a break!?! Sheesh! #Imjustaskin' Stop spankin' yo monkey and go see this w/a banana shake and popcorn in hand! I giving this 4 1/2 out of 5 M's

"Back In The Days On The Blvd of Linden..." -ATCQ Movie Review

Question, do you consider yourself a TRUE Hip-Hop aficionado? Do you STILL get "musical goose bumps" when you hear the opening chords of "Awards Tour" or that other Tribe classic "Scenario?" If you answered "YES!" to just one of these questions, then you BETTER tell me "Yep, seen it!" when I ask have you checked that Tribe doc that's out. What did I think about it? I'd say without question "GO SEE IT!" And here's why. As a ATCQ fan you HAVE had to have been scratching your head wondering just how did the groups demise come about? What and (even better) WHO Jarobi was in the group. And WHAT was the driving force behind all those unforgettable funky jazz samples that were the Tribe's signature sound? All that is answered in this film. However this is NOT a Tribe (the group's) film. This is a movie about Tribe the friendship! And how being a good leader requires GREAT listening at times. It's a "Bromance" if you may say, about one of the best rap units in the game. I'm not sure if it was all marketing, but the "con"-troversy before it's release about Tip not feeling the end result of his on screen portrayal, may have been helpful pushing folks to go see it! I gotta add this one to my DVD collection (YES I still but those) one it's released, it's a "must watch." I'm giving it 4 out of 5 M's

"Say Wizard! Voldemort's Gone, A N***a Dead!" -Harry Potter's Deathly Hallows Pt.2 Review

Part Matrix, part Star Wars: Episode 3, part Lord of The Ring: Two Towers, and a lil' Raiders of the Lost Ark...this LAST Harry Potter film threw everything but the kitchen sink into the foray to wrap up the long anticipated conclusion to the 11 part series. And it was WELL worth the wait! Truthfully speaking I'm sorta glad that I never took the time to sit down and read the book versions. I think it would've spoiled by my pre- conception of the characters and the plot would've been ruined for me knowing the out come. And what an outcome it was! The director who'd handled the last three before this one, hit it on the mark with the tone and mood that the films NEEDED to be taking seriously more than a tween fantasy book. Though the main characters are young the situations are VERY adult. Don't get it twisted alot of people DIE defending Harry! Young students at that! But the movie deals with that very maturely, and you get a good sense of the grave nature of why Voldemort must die. But I must say I was a bit disappointed in the ending, if I had to nitpick something "bad" about the film, but it was poppin'! I know my friends are gonna joke on me for saying this but (deep breath) Yes, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt.2 was POPPIN'! There I said it. They should've named this one "Hard Hittin' Harry Potter!" LOL. I'm givin' it 4 1/2 out of 5 M's. Now poof! Be gone.

"Rock'em, Sock'em Robots!" -Transformers 3 Review

Yeah I finally gave in and joined the rest of the WORLD it seems (based on the box office returns) and decided to see the latest edition to the iconic childhood film rendition of Transformers (3). The first one I saw as an in flight movie. The second I'm embarrassed to say I paid for. And this current one I gave into peer/media pressure and gave it the benefit of the doubt. But as I learned in life "No one benefits for doubt!" Now though I felt this was NOT terrible, however I did feel like I lost some brain cells on this third go round. But hey, what did I expect from a Micheal Bey summer movie? The King's Speech?!? The dialog will leave you scratching your head but the action scenes more than make up for the first grade play like script. AND the use of 3-D was some of the BEST I've seen so far from a movie using the technology yet. While sitting in the theater I couldn't help but to think of past Bey movies ESPECIALLY the Bad Boys films and thought if you just replaced Smith & Lawrence with the Transformers and threw in camera angles and lens flares from that Armageddon movie then BONG! You pretty much have you a Transformers movie! Am I right? Yeah right? This is 3 1/2 M's out of 5 tops!

"Hanna Barbarian" -Hanna Movie Review

Okay I'm gonna switch it up a bit for this review and break it up into two groups "Rant & Rave" so I can give you the full movie going experience I had to deal with upon viewing this. So first here goes the "rant" part:

Ladies/Gents, or just parents in general PLEASE explain to me why in the Hell would you bring a cranky ass 1-2 yr. old to a PG-13 movie?!? It's a dark room and it NOT bed time so I can understand their confusion. It's NOT a cartoon/computer animation film so what's holding their interest. AND you constantly telling them to "Shhh" is JUST as annoying (if not MORE) as the actual whining itself! How many "evil eye" look must everyone turn around and give you before you shut that baby's pacifier hole up? Sheesh Louise! THEN in my mutherf**kin' left ear I had some broad shout out "Oh no that bitch just didn't do that!" EVERY action sequence! I'm like WTBC (what the blood clot) mannnn! SOMEBODIES giving me some money back after this s**t! Wusa moment. I had to get off my chest. And now the "rave" part:

Yo this flick was an adrenaline rush from start to finish!
Extremely well paced for a "coming of age" action flick with a young female lead...unheard of! From the first scenes to establishing the "father daughter" relationship between leads Bana & Ronan, you understand the reasons why he's being so sadistic in his raising/training of Hanna. They live in the deep forest tundra, but it's an even colder world out there. What was different about this flick (besides an original plot) is that the protagonist is "captured" in the beginning of the film as opposed to the middle or end like most films. Hanna quickly understands exactly why "Poppa" nurtured her to "adapt or die" based on the fact that her surroundings would change drastically once she was out of his watchful eye. Cate Blanchett plays a pitch perfect villain looking to just cover up a past mistake, that proves to be a MUCH bigger task than had expected. Once Hanna breaks loose so does all Hell. The movie does a great job at keeping you in the fog about Hanna's origin. And the audience doesn't find out the truth about just who she is until she does. Dopeness! From the way it ends I smell a Pt.2 some where to come. Has a very indie style Tarantino/Guy Ritche feel to it, 4 out of 5 M's for this one!
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"Punch Suckered Me!" -Sucker Punch Review

Let me first start off with a formal apology. If I've influenced you in ANY way based on my many post on the blog about this movie I am TRULY sorry! I myself was planning to go see this on the day of it's release so I could have a fresh review for you come Monday morning. But something told me "Pause...don't get suckered into the hype!" But when good friend (Carlito) put me onto the Optimum On-line FREE Tuesday movie jump-off, I said "Hey, I have NOTHING to lose here! It's FREE right?!?" I was wrong. I lost time, respect and a lil' hope for this director Zack guy. Sure the movie is two hours of visual eye porn, sure Zack has mastered the green screen technology to near perfection. Sure he KNOWS how to market the s**t out of a movie. But when it comes to character development and original storytelling...SMMFH! Damn, I was hoping I was wrong but this movie was basically the Matrix, meets La Cage Aux Folles, meets Lord of the Rings, meets Japanimation, meets Kill Bill (sorry if I've offended anyone connected w/ any of those films). It was like watching a game of Russian roulette knowing a bullet was in EVERY chamber! POW! I would have loved him to just pick ONE genre and kill it! But the story, the acting, and the time consistency was like the popcorn I threw up...all over the place! LOL. Thank God, Allah, Jehovah, Odin, Zeus, and whomever you happen to pray to that Christopher Nolan is writing the Superman story FOR Zack to direct. At the end, I even wanted my money back for money I had spent on the popcorn combo! YES, it was THAT bad folks. If someone suggests to you "Hey why didn't we catch that Sucker Punch movie?" Just turn the other cheek! This gets 2 out of 5 M's

"New Jack Gritty" -True Grit Review

If you did like half of America did over the holidays, decided to take in a movie, and it wasn't Little Fockers, then the only other sane adult option was this Coen Bros. remake True Grit (I'm assuming that you've seen Black Swan already of course). Let me be quite honest with you up front, I've NEVER seen a western style movie in the theaters...EVER. But as a matured movie goer, I've grown to appreciate a GREAT story w/ substance and even better acting, than paying to see explosions, insane amounts of violence, and over paid actors. But after hearing the acting line- up, the Coen's directorial involvement, and the hype about this break-out new young actress plucked from obscurity, my ticket was SOLD! Between you and me , the last western I've watched and was hooked into was Young Guns I & II, HONESTLY! No lie folks. Bad huh? Anyways this film's highlight isn't the shoot 'em up, gun fights westerns are known for. It's the rapid fire word play and wit that's exchanged back and forth between the starring actors. Especially the wiser than her age "Mattie Ross" (played by young actress Hailee Steinfeld) who out for retribution for her decreased father murdered in cold blood by "Tom Chaney" (Josh Brolin's character). This is were surly one-eyed U.S. Marshal Reuben J. "Rooster" Cogburn (Jeff Bridges) gets reluctantly dragged into the mix along with Texas ranger La Boeuf (played by Matt Damon) when Mattie "out sources" his services to help hunt the killer down. What I was most impressed by when watching was the quick pace story telling and the comedic timing all the actors shared together, as if the had acted together for ages. Me personally, would find it intimating as a first timer to the big screen, to be not only paired with such big names actors all at once. But to have SO MUCH screen time, and have to carry a major released film! Kudos to Hailee on that one! Anyways long story short this joint was a great distraction from the cold weather and piling garbage that New York is currently having. Also it made me think "I CAN'T wait till Tarantino does his version of a Western!" Imagine how dope THAT would be? Okay so True Grit gets 4 out of 5 M's and that's ONLY cause I wished it had ended differently. Oh BTW, here's some poster variations I found that didn't make the cut State side.

"The Swan That Laid The Golden Globe Egg" -Black Swan Review

Have you seen this movie YET? Trust me if you have then you'd be talking about it too! Be it Facebook, Twitter, Tumbler, WHATEVA! This is the type of cinema experience that I'm glad to plop down money for and STILL get the DVD! YES, it was just that good. Not to give away too too much, but the story/plot follows "Nina" (Natalie Portman) as a "dancer in waiting" in a ballet troupe that's eager for "the come up" in the wake of the shows aging star exiting the production early, due to a forced retirement. Portman does some of her best acting yet (since her debut turn in "the Professional") as a insecure, sheltered young dancer living with an overbearing mother. That turns to purging and paranoia to cope with the pressures of maintaining the image of a twin role in a production of "Swan Lake". Fighting off sexual advances from the head stage director, her understudy, and accusations of sleeping to get the job from the former lead and EVERYONE else, her mind spirals down a rabbit hole of delusions and the film's director takes us (the audience) right down with her! Brilliantly! Usually I'm always sitting in the dark waiting to see if the ending I predicted was right. Not THIS time, with this film, I was LITERALLY in the dark! I wasn't sure WHAT was going on! And I mean that in a GOOD way! Every 5 minutes I was like WTH, WTF, SMH, and even LOL. seriously other than "Let Me In" this was my surprise hit of the year film wise for me. Well written, well acted, and well directed. Best sexual thriller since ummm...well since "Eyes Wide Shut" I will say. "Swan" has feathers but it's NO light-weight! Fly to see this film! I give it 5 out of 5 M's! Here are some DOPE poster variations that I came across below:

"Vamp Of Approval" -"Let Me In" Review

I LOVE IT when I walk into a movie with no expectations and walk away highly impressed! And this movie did it for me. Now I'm very bougie about my movie selections, and even bougier about Vampire genre movie so I was like, THIS ONE better knock my motherf**kin' socks off! Having to live up to my "long teeth" favorites "Interview W/A Vampire" & long time classic "Lost Boys" I had high hopes that "Let Me In" had some "bite" to it. But don't walk in thinking this is going to be all "guts & gory" and s**t. Fangs a blazing! Nah bro, it's more in the vain of a twisted love story and seduction of a different kind, mixed w/ "Romeo & Juliet." They even show the aforementioned book in the movie. Now we all know the vampire lore is all Hollywood make-believe (I hope) right? However the film works well at making you feel as if Vamps did exist, then this is a slight glimpse of how they would have to interact in today's modern world (well in the movie it's the 80's). The movie's focal points are the two tween actor that LOOK like they would be into that ol' "Twlight" stuff, but ACT way beyond their age. The chick, sorry, little girl from "Kick-Ass" (another unexpected film) Chloe' What'sherface is the talked about star in this one but my money's on the main character getting an Oscar next year. YES I said Oscar! Trust me this film WILL be up for at LEAST one if not MORE! I'm thinking Best Cinematography, Best Lighting Effects, Best Set Design, and maybe something in the acting category even. It definitely has an "Indie/Artsy" film type of feel to it. More story strength then effects. Mainly ALL of the carnage is at a distance or off screen at times. EVEN the adults actors aren't given close ups often...sorta like those "Charlie Brown" cartoons. LOL ;) I originally was setting out to see that "Facebook movie" but this was a GREAT plan V! I give 4 1/2 out of 5 M's for this. I wanna sink my teeth into more of the back story!

"Dougie's Not That Fresh"-The Town Reveiw

Yeah it was #1 at the box office last weekend but have YOU seen this yet? Folk are claiming it's the second coming of that Michael Mann movie classic "Heat" but after seeing it it came off more to me more like "lukewarm" Kudos to Afflecks second directorial feature but "the Town" was missing a few "people" as in character development in the other leads. I do admit it DOES have it's moments of tension building to the heighten scenes of their run-ins with the police but Ben's (Affleck) role "Dougie" was the only likable figure in the whole film! I felt w/"Heat" you had two sides to root for Pacino or Deniro's. AND you got a lil' insight of the other major players backgrounds. Although some of the plot mechanics were cliche' I was at the edge of my seat feeling like I was along with the crew during their bank job heists. INTENSE! But I WAS hoping for a much different (as in better) ending to the story. I won't get into the details if you haven't seen it yet. Now I'm not saying DON'T see it. But what I AM saying is it's more of a Netflix/Blu-Ray on a date night chiling at home with your "boo" and a nice chilled bottle of Riesling and a hot plate of shrimp scampi with dimmed lights and George Benson playing in the background type of movie. That's all I'm saying. I'm giving it 3 1/2 out of 5 M's (MMMmM)

"On To The Ex One!" -Scott Pilgrim v.s. the World Review

Part musical, part comedy, part live action video game, all LOVE (story). Scott Pilgrim packs a PUNCH (pun intended). I'll be the first to admit being a former comic book collector/reader, I've NEVER read or even HEARD of Scott Pilgrim before this movie hit theaters. But once I saw the trailer, heard Edgar Wright was attached to direct (of "Shaun of the Dead", one of my favorite films) and "Super Bad" Michael Cera (reigning king of awkwardness) my ticket was brought! Here's the gist of the movie. Scott who's currently dating a "Asian fetish" school girl, Catholic outfit and all, gets distracted in a dream by a mysterious woman who he finds out REALLY exists and becomes obsessed w/ meeting her. After being warned by EVERYONE to stay clear of her, they start a quick courtship unannounced to his current fling "Knives Chu." By the way he's in a rocking indie band that's destined to STAY indie called "the Sex Bob Omb" (which is really rock artist Beck FYI) After a snowed in night of "spooning" with his new love interest "Ramona Flowers", Scott receives an e-mail from one of her 7 ex's (yes ladies 7 former suitors) challenging him to a duel to defend his honor...which he ignores till her first ex shows up at his band's gig. The rest you MAY have to be high to begin to accept as the story line gets more bizarre as the movie get under way. Not that I'm condoning drug use or anything (lol). But it gets surreal from that point on to say the least. All in all this was one of the most original romance comedies I've EVER seen with all it's movie genre bending and quick witty story telling. Better yet take Tarantino and mix it with the on screen computer graphic film style of "ZombieLand", with a dash of any Kung Fu/Matrix movie and BOOM! You have on Scott Pilgrim film folks. I promise you you won't leave the theater without say to yourself or thinking out loud "WTF!?!" I'm giving it 4 out 5 M's

"I Dreamed A Dream Of Time Gone By" -Inception Review

I'm pretty sure you've seen this movie by now right? Or at LEAST seen the trailer huh? Well if not then let me bring you up to speed. Inception as it's called is the latest movies offering by director of the moment Christopher Nolan of Dark Knight fame. Which after having such a tremendous hit w/ his last movie decides that the thinking man's Sci-Fi is the way to cool his heels down. But a cool OFF it is not! Now with out giving too too much away I gotta say that this movie is about the mental orgasm, cause trust me you will get mind f@#ked! The best way I've been able to explain it to my peers is "Well it's very similar to the Matrix but w/less kung-fu" to sum things up a bit. LOL! But in this film the "matrix" is the mind! Or better yet our "dream conscience" where reality is what you make it. However the overall plot of the film is that Dicaprio leads a team of dream weavers on a mission to plant NOT steal (which that normally are trained to do) an idea into a "mark's" head, and to do that they must break in to his head through his dreams. But it's not as simple as it may sound. Especially being that Leo has an "agent" running around in his brain looking to foil his every move. And speaking of team, the casting is excellent in this one. As is most of Nolan's films. Both the "Juno" chick and the kid from "3rd Rock from the Sun" play their cast roles well. Real stand-out without stealing Leo's thunder. But all in all this was WAAAAY to close to being a mash-up off "Shutter Island & the Matrix" for my liking. But don't read this wrong I still sat and ate my popcorn of the edge of my seat! I'll give it 3 1/2 of 5 M's. BTW bring a pillow, it's long, and YOU too be dreaming by the time it's done. LOL!

"Toying With The Fans" -Toy Story 3 Review

I KNOW I'm gonna get alot of hate for this but, to be quite honest with you...I wasn't impressed! Yeah the story was good, yeah the art was stunning, but EH! I feel I've seen better. But first let me get into the story. Not to spoil it for those 2% that haven't seen it yet, I gotta say the movies' full of one bad turn after another. And it's kind of a downer except for a few brief moments of humor (very brief for me). So the premise is, years later this kid "Andy" (who's keep the SAME damn toys around for it seems like ever) turns 17 and is off to college. So the toys are to be packed away for who knows what. By this point I'm thinking "What? This guy never had Playstation all this time by now?" Anyway, fear sets in on what will be their fate, so the toys go into panic mode. Woody, who's the "Yoda" of the group devises a plan, only for a mix up between packed bags to happen. And that's as far as I'll go to keep from spoiling it for you. Now I'm NOT saying DON'T go see it. It's a great ending to a the Toy Story series. However I left feeling like Shrek was better! Yeah, I said it! And the 3D wasn't all that too! Pixar did their thing on UP as far as 3D goes and killed it with the details in Wall*E! This one was above average but not "I just wet my pants with the big ol' soda that comes with the No. #2 combo" type of graphics I was hoping for. But that's just me. I'm no sore loser but I'll still give it four out of 5 M's

"You Better Shrekognize!" -Shrek Final Review

First off let me say I'm a big fan of the Shrek series! I think the creativity and attention to details that the Dreamworks team puts into each film is on a level par none. It's one of those rare computer animated film that you really question "Is it REALLY for the kids?" Simply because the jokes are a bit mature. And unless your 3-5 yr old is a well-read scholar in the writing and works of EVERY fairy tale EVER written, I'm not sure they'll FULLY appreciate the inside joke humor! So with that being said, let me get back to the film at hand, which is "the Final Chapter" (yeah right!) in the Shrek run. To begin with, I bought the tickets a day in advance to avoid the Sat. "nanny and baby mamma matinee" rush that you know the opening weekend of a rated G movie can bring. So all that I needed to do was show up, get my cool 3D glasses, and sit my ass down somewhere. Honestly I'm starting to be over the whole 3D trend right about now, but I had a feeling that this movie would do it justice...and did it! From the first opening scene, you can tell that their intent was for this to be in 3D in the first place, and not just jumping on the bandwagon last minute to rake in a few extra bucks. Or it least I think they didn't (lol). Whatever the case, it worked. What also worked was the pacing of the film. The story about how married life for Shrek was wearing him thin, didn't drag on. The main characters and plot was set up so you can jump right in, while being respectful to the story of the last 3 before this one. The ONLY problem(s ) I did have was that the film's villain "Rumplelambskin" sorry..."Rumplestilskin" was (to me, in my opinion) EXACTLY the same villain character ("Syndrome") from the Incredibles movie! Height, voice similarities, (red) hair and all! Mine you, I love both characters, but I'm just pointing it out. And the only OTHER problem I had wasn't with the movie itself per se'. It was the fact that to the left of me seated was some freakin' "man-boy" oooo-ing and ah-ing and cackling loudly at EVERYTHING that came on the screen! UNF**KIN' believable dude! Is this your first time EVER watching a 3D movie and s**t?!? Or a f**kin' movie PERIOD?!!? Sheesh louise! The louder he laughed, the LOUDER I laughed, but he never caught on. Then to top things off to the right of me was some 10 yr. old kid SNORING like a man twice his age! Then was pissed, when his dad finally woke him up as the credits was rolling! Kid, you're pissed? Yeah? Well we were too! Your pops shoulda woke that ass up a long time ago! I was thisclose to putting my popcorn bag over his head, and taking the charge! Leaving Shrek in handcuffs LOL! I'm giving this one 4 out of 5 M's!

"Tin Man & The Lion (Heart)"-Iron Man 2 and Robin Hood Review

I WAS gonna sit down and write out a long detailed review about both movies and thought to myself...Why? Both were equally disappointing, so if you STILL want my opinion okay then here it is...RENT'EM! It's either that or wait till they come out on Blu-Ray, or better yet watch'em on a long flight to WHERE EVER you maybe going in a few months. Both get 3 out of 5 M's! Real talk!

"Alice In Wonder Bland!" -This Cheshire Cat Has NOTHING To Smile About! Alice Review

So I'm hearing that this was the number one movie at the box office this weekend. Which comes as NO surprise to me due to all the hype around it (Depp, 3-D, Burton, the story of Wonderland, yada yada yada) But to make a long review short...I should of supported "Brooklyn's Finest" like the proud "Brooklynista" I am. Because I found the movie to be so wack and bland, I have NO problem spoiling the plot for you. So if you STILL planning on seeing it, don't read ahead. Here's the deal, an older teen Alice is attending her "surprise" engagement party when anxiety hits and sees a vision of the White Rabbit hopping around leading her to that abyss hole she fell into years ago. Why no one uprooted this tree or sealed the hole yet years later, is a mystery to me! Anyway the next scenes we see are of her falling (in 3-D) and shrinking and growing back and forth for damn near 20 mins are so. Twiddle Dumb & Dumber show up and give her a quick tour of west side Wonderland before the Queen of Heart's goons show up and break up their lil' "reunion tea party." Damn, I'm getting bored just writing this, so I'll speed it. The gist is, Alice has been predestined to return to Wonderland as it's savior and return the crown and rule back to the White man...sorry White Queen and make all right with the world again. The End! But not before an 1hr. and a half of talking dogs, frogs, & dragons. Fish as servants, hedgehogs for golf balls, rabbits with A.D.D., a hat making tranny Irish accented Johnny Depp, plus a bong pot smoking caterpillar to boot. I should've gone to see this high, like the rest of the audience around me was...And I don't even smoke!

"What The Smurf Is This?!?" -Avatar Movie Review

FINALLY after hearing SO MUCH praise from friends & associates alike, I finally took the time out (3 hours!) to see this world-wide phenom of a movie called Avatar! Naively thinking "Oh it's a Tuesday, the middle of the day, the lines SHOULD have died down by now right?" NOPE! Reality proved me so wrong. Got tix to the 3D Imax theater, which is the only way I was told that I could get the FULL experience of what the film had to offer. Gotta say really quick, the 3D glasses that they now hand out, are WAY cooler than the ones of years past. Everyone looked like Kanye at (name any) awards show. I was dying for someone to run up in front of the screen and go "Yo dawg, this movie is fly and all that, but Titanic is the greatest movie of ALL TIME! I'm just sayin' !" LOL. Ok now on to the movie. Imagine if the Blue Man Group or the Smurfs had their OWN planet, but were 9ft tall w/ tails! That will give you a good start of how the Na'vi (the planet Pandora's native folk) came across to me. Now take Star Wars and remix it with a lil' Jurassic Park and the NY Aquarium and BOOM! You'll have a ball park idea of what Pandora looks like. Okay now, take Garagmel give him a Robocop suit & an army of "Azrials" and you'll have your villian Colonal Miles the meanest S.O.B. Marine ever to wear a uniform. Lastly take the story of how England, Spain, America, etc. raped the land of (name any) indigenous peoples land solely for profit and BINGO! There's your movie folks! Now don't get me wrong, it was well worth the money to see it. But don't go into the "dark" theater hoping to see the "light." Well at least story wise. However YOU ARE spending the money to be apart of HISTORY! YES, I said it... history! For 3 whole hrs you are watching "the future." The future of what movie's (even TV's) direction will shortly move towards. And now due to the overwhelming success of the film, TRUST ME more stuff like this is sure to come. The plot wasn't state of the art but the movie surely was! I'll give it 3 1/2 M's out of 4