"Lords Of The Underground" -Hobo of the Rings

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but the other day on the subway I swore I was sitting across from Gandalf the White of "Lord Of The Rings" fame. I'm into my movies man, so I "geeked" out when I caught a sighting of him horse-less on the "iron horse". He must be going through tough times in this recession too. It's good to see that he didn't go all "Hollywood" on us right?

"I Don't Know Karate, But I Know Krazy!" -Taking A Grand (Ma) Stand

Damn I ALMOST had lightening strike TWICE for me in the subway! Let me set up the scene for you. It's close to rush hour, train packed, and some young kid and his "wifey" are posted up by the door. There's an elderly woman (round late 70's maybe 80's ish) sitting down trying to take in a good book during her commute (I think she was reading "When cougars attack" or something) okay. So I'm guessing dudes elbow was poking her in the face, cause she smacked his arm down with her book, and got all loud with it. The young cat (half embrassed of course) bugs out that she simply should have asked nicely to "remove his 'bows from her God Damn face" as she says. The video below was a piece of the second half of ANOTHER outburst from "Grands" that I was struggling to get on tape. It's not much, but I have time on my hands, and a blog to fill. LOL!

"Some Dude Snaps, When A Crackle Pops $#!T!"-Straight From The Underground

You ever try to capture lightening in a bottle, my friend? Well, while traveling on my commute home I did JUST that! I had a feeling this older cat would cause a ruckus, and boy did my instinct pay off...BIG time! Just hit play, and watch the drama unfold. My two favorite lines are "F#@k, you! Anytime you want it!" and "Don't let the uniform fool you, I will f#@k YOU up!



What happened AFTER this was HIL-LARI-OUS too my friend, but you'll have to email me to hear about that $#it!

"What's Eating Gilbert Gripe?" - The Subway Edition

Even though mass transit is one of (if not) thee best way of getting around NYC, I doesn't not mean that I'm happy about having to take it. I'm sure that I share a HUGE list of dislikes about "the Silver Worm" that slithers it's way through the "Rotten Apple's" core. I'm just using this platform to voice mine. So with that being said, ladies & gents I give you a NEW section of the Minority Report called "Gilbert Gripe." The first edition is dedicated to the city's beloved "Iron Horse!" Hold the applause till the end. THANK YOU!

Why is it that folks think that it's okay to share their damn full song ring tones out loud on the train?! And then have the nerve to sing along out of tune. And by the way, why is it ALWAYS some ghetto ass song at that?

Help me understand, why is it that you're sitting/
standing 2 inches away from me when the car is damn near empty?

How come it's ALWAYS the homeless/crazy ass folks that wanna included me in their random conversations? I only made eye contact, so I can have a good description when the police come.

Why is "Mr. Subway Car Performer" looking for change from me, when I JUST got on at this stop?

Is the newspaper/book you're reading THAT good to where you wanna share it with me...
upside down, and an inch away from my face?

I understand that you're in your twilight years Grandma, but tripping with your cane to beat me to a seat is NOT hot! AND you're only going ONE stop too?!? Damn Granny! You DON'T work any more, so tell me, why are you in rush hour again?

Hey there Ms. Young Tween! Saying "S#i+", Ni66a, Bitc#, a$$-#ole, mut#erfu@k*r" 5 times EXTREMELY LOUD, all in one sentence, DOES NOT make you sound grown!

Excuse me "Sir who's blocking the staircase", wouldn't it be MUCH easier to finish your conversation UP stairs, instead of ON the stairs? There are people who actually wanna catch this train.

Ms., what made you even THINK that you could squeeze your fat ass in this already tight two-seater? DO the math! 40 pounds of ass + 20 inches seat= WTF!?

And lastly, if think I'm playing my iPod too loud next to you, DON'T tap me or ask me if I give a f**k! And if you do, I can't hear you anyway. LMAO!

If I left some out, just leave yours in the comment section

"Ready, Will(ing) And Able!" -the Gift of Smith

Honestly, when I first glanced at this poster on the subway I thought
"Damn! Will's in ANOTHER Men In Black movie? Hollywood just loves giving this brother money huh?" Samuel Jackson and him must have a secret bet on who can be in the most films in one year!" Go on you can admit it, you was thinking that too right? Right!? Yeah, I thought so.

"Sleepy Or Dopey?" -You Decide.

If I EVER ever ever ever find myself this sleepy on the train, I'm taking my ass the f#@k back home! I'm betting if she was totally conscience and you ASKED her to touch her toes, she couldn't do it. Seems like drugs can make you pull off the impossible huh? Where ever she's going to work at I hope they have mad coffee on hand. LMAO!

"Tokens Of Affection" -Sex in the Gritty

Who's brilliant marketing idea was this?
I can just see the boardroom meeting for this one.
"We need a packaging that screams New York!
Something iconic that the common man can relate to.
How 'bout the Subway? Yes, yes, the train!" To that I say, "HUH?" The last thing that I wanna think about before "doing the do" is New York City Transit System! You don't know who's been in the seat you're in. It carries all types of infectious diseases. You have to pay to get on. And on top of that, it never comes when you want it to...Umm...Never mind it makes sense to me now. Forget it.

"Just A Thought..."-Ridiculous Random Thoughts

I don't know, is it me does it seem like the NYC Subway is drawing a very thin line with the club scene? Cops are like security, checking bags before you go in. the token booth is the same, as some spots where you pay an admission fee. Once on the train, it's packed to capacity and everybody got their hands up. The DJ, is that young kid playing his iPod too damn loud. The random performers that come on, are the "live acts" clubs are known to have for time to time. And there's always that "drunk" walking around with a cup in his hand, looking for a hand out. And to top things off, I always leave with out a phone number...Damn!

"On Another Note..." -Hypnotic Brass Ensemble

You ever had one of those close to perfect days, where it seems like everything is just clicking for you? First off it was a (payday) Friday, I had just gotten off of work. The weather was clearing up rather nicely and I had just randomly ran into and reconnected with two long-lost friends (one being a best friend of mine). So you can imagine, I was ending my day on a pretty high note. That's until I had happened upon a Subway performance group that took it to a whole other level. I had strolled past mid-song ("Balicky Bon") and was floored!
These young cats was KILLIN' it and had the crowd to prove it.
Just picture four trumpeters, two trombonists, a drummer and a saxophone player calling themselves the Hypnotic Brass Ensemble, getting "rained on" with legal tender by a gathering of 50 or more passer's by... in the middle of rush hour... in Times Square!
I forked over $15 bucks for a CD to take home for a listen,
which further proved that these dudes is "the new Truth."
Non-believers can just take a peep over at their blog Hypnoticbrass.blogspot.com, and yes like you, they too have a Myspace (.com/hypnoticbusiness) page. But the Minority Report recommends a tour 'round the ol' Youtube for more proof that these cats can blow!